Sharing topless photos of herself, she wrote: ‘What is wrong with me? Why do I always need Validation from everyone but mostly men..
Seeming to address her relationship, she said: ‘Everyone keeps telling me to be single, be alone, and make your self happy. But All those things sound so fucking scary to me. all I want is him. I want him to hold me, I want him to love me, I want him to tell me it’s ok, I want him to look me in the eyes and let me know I’m accepted.’
‘Why? Because I can’t accept myself. For some reason in my head I’m just not fucking good enough. Not good enough for him or Her or anyone else.
‘And if it’s not him I just look for the ‘next’ him, or her Why can’t I just look for the next me? Find me and accept me.
‘Was it because I was molested my whole life,’ she wondered.
‘Exposed to sex at such a young age it’s all I know how to offer to the world…or is it because I was raised to think I wasn’t good enough. Not good enough for her or anything else,’ Bella said.
‘But it doesn’t matter what happened to me.. What matters is whats happening to me right now. I can’t blame my childhood, in fact I can’t blame anyone for anything.
‘All I can do is blame me. I blame me for not loving myself. I blame me for not thinking I’m attractive, I blame me for putting this on everyone around me. Expecting people to love me enough for me to love myself,’ Bella wrote.
‘But at the end of the day that will never happen. Because the only way to get to your end goal is to work through it. Not around or above or try and find a cheat code so you don’t have to hurt as much.
‘You have to hurt in this world. Hurting, loving, and accepting. That’s what our emotional world lays on. Right now I only have one of those things. Can you guess what it is? Hurting. Right now I only hurt…but I’m not hurting for other people no I’m only hurting myself. By not loving me and by not accepting me.’
This poem is about mommy and daddy and me and you,‘ she concluded